It was so much easier before.
All I had to care about was me,
my work,
my nutrition,
and my training.
It was a calm life.
I kind of loved that life.
But I wasn’t living it in a healthy way.
Getting myself out of years of isolation…
Putting myself out there, in the world again.
Trying to live and act "normal ish", surrounded by other people.
Still caught up in the eating disorder,
Still with unresolved trauma,
ADHD, borderline, and anxiety,
Still depressed and full blown social anxiety.
It was one of the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
So when people even dare to expect me to "dress up", make up, or do ANYTHING at all for someone else that includes my body and the way I look?
Believe me,
I have enough going on just looking-and being good enough for myself every day.
Adding other people to that list?
That’s literally draining.
I can’t live my life trying to look good for someone else
That’ll make me lose myself
Again.
