Du får mig att känna saker. Jag tycker inte riktigt om det. Inget specifikt som att "jag har värsta crushen på dig". Mer som att… du sätter igång saker i mitt huvud som jag inte har råd att lägga varken tid eller energi på. Någonsin igen.
It broke me once. Feelings like these. They ruined me. Almost killed me. I can’t afford to go down that road. Ever. Again.
I’d rather stay alive.
Whatever the hell that now means.
But I do.
Rather keep living my life like this.
Numb.
Honestly, I’m just to scared to ever turn that part of me ‘on’ again.
Feeling anything ever again.
For anyone.
I can’t let myself down like that again.
I’d rather let that ship sink.
And staying alive.
Maybe I’m not fighting.
Maybe I’m just existing.
But if that’s what it takes to keep me alive.
Then I will.
Then I will keep on ’just’ existing for the rest of my whole damn life!
Numb.
Don’t make me turn that part of me back on.
The part I’ve been fighting so hard to keep shut down for so long.
I can’t.
I don’t have to strength to survive it anymore.
I can’t.
Just let it be.
Let me sink.
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